Enquirering Nut Jobs Want To Know

Is Kirstie Alley really Al Gore in drag? This is the sort of frightening question that had Ming hiding under that pile of old rugs in the basement all week, afraid to even post on his blog. Nothing can be taken at face value any more. Everyone has an agenda.

Ming goes so far as to speculate that even Billie Mays might not have Ming's best interests at heart when he flogs all manner of crapola at $19.95 plus shipping which turns out to be a mere $100 more.

Fortunately, Ming knows the Sham-Wow guy would never lie to him.

Ming Is In

Young studs are out. The Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin just had a recent study by authors Terry F.Pettijohn and Brian J.Jungeberg indicating that evolutionary biology encourages people to seek more mature mates during times of economic insecurity. They contend that their findings even show that centerfolds in Playboy get older and rounder.

While Ming will spare an otherwise horrified populace from having to buy a magazine to view his physique, he is nonetheless ready to capitalize on this new development as soon as he polishes off that second bottle of Geritol, adjusts his toupee, locates his glasses and tries to remember where he put his walker.

Ming Bounced From Big Bocce Ball Bash

A humiliated Ming has disgraced himself by exhibiting sportsmanlike conduct during the All Mafia-Hedge Fund Bocce Ball Tournament. Neglecting to threaten any other players even once, Ming has shown a lack of bad breeding so necessary in today's competitive Mafia and Hedge Fund Industry.

Hoping to redeem himself, Ming has gallantly offered to underwrite this year's gala getaway to the Pribiloff Islands in time for the annual baby seal clubbing so dear to the hearts of Mafia hit-men and hedge fund managers everywhere.

In the meantime, Ming hopes to toughen himself up by stealing wheelchairs and crutches, emulating the career path that has created so many successful hedge fund managers.

Free Eggroll

Finally the Government does something for citizen Ming. Ming read that the White House will provide a free eggroll to everyone on the South Lawn of the White House to honor Easter. Ming's only hope is they're not so chintzy as to deny Ming a nice platter of fried rice to go along with it.

Is Nothing Sacred?

Ming hasn't posted in a couple of weeks since he was enjoying taxpayer provided free accommodations in the same cellblock as Bernie Madoff. Ming is sad to report that poor Bernie is in the dumps over the government's latest heartless ploy.

Today at 10:AM Ebay will close bidding on Bernie Madoff's two gold tickets to the Mets season opener at the new CITI Field. So far the bids exceed $3,000.

Has it come to this? Make a little fifty billion dollar booboo and the Torquemada's of the Inquisition purloin your cherished right to see the Mets in action. Surely a civilized society would instead send Bernie on the prison bus to the game. If they chose to be vindictive they could make him leave in the top of the ninth, should the score be tied.

Fortunately, the Solons who run things have not meted out such draconian punishments entailing incarceration and confiscation of Mets tickets to the descendants of Jesse James who run our major banks and insurance scams.

Ming's favorite peccadillo is the billions funneled through AIG to allow foreign banks such as UBS to enjoy not only reimbursement for their credit default swap fliers but their profits on them as well. All this when the glorious UBS is under indictment for tax fraud while refusing to divulge the names of 52,000 U.S. citizens who they enabled to evade their U.S. income taxes. But the Government is on the job and will squeeze $3,000 or so from sale of Bernie's baseball seats for one game. You just can't make this stuff up.