Your Chance To Attain Immortality

Don't go through your shabby existence collecting mere trifles. Man of the year awards, golfing trophies, honorable mentions. All such dross is ephemeral and soon forgotten after Sharon poles you across the river Styx. Latch onto something that will ensure posterity hasn't forgotten your wretched stay in this veil of tears.

Sign up now and for a nominal sum, Ming will name a pothole in the Bronx after you. Rest assured, a Bronx pothole is immortal. They are never filled. In fact, they grow larger with each passing year.

What more could you ever want than to have your name on the lips of every passing motorist whose alignment goes awry as they hurdle your very own pothole. "Damn that Harvey Slobnick pothole. That's the second time this week that Slobnick got me" or some such other epithet as your very own pothole is encountered.

Let it be written into the record that all those saps who get a star named after them will be livid with envy in the great hereafter as you proudly look down from whatever cloud you've been assigned to patrol and turn to them pointing with pride as your very own pothole causes yet another hub cab to disengage from some poor schemiel's car. You still count for something in the great scheme of things.

Be advised Ming takes only cash for this invaluable service. No checks. No Paypal and definitely no IOUs. After all, being counted amongst the immortals should cost something. Everything else does.