Peasant

Yes you. Everyone that has a job or thinks they deserve one also thinks they are in the middle class. Balderdash says Ming. You are wallowing in wishful thinking. In reality you are the working poor and getting poorer by the day.

Inflation over the last generation makes your inflated salary worth no more than your grandfather's wage from wielding a pick and shovel when he washed ashore after fleeing some foreign sink hole. The tax brackets that now apply were meant for the rich in the preinflation era. Now they ensnare you, making the widow's mite that is laughably called your compensation "package" worth even less, net of taxes, than you thought.

Education is the answer say all the pundits. Horse pucky says Ming. College will saddle you(or your parents) with debt. Then the position for which your training qualifies you will be exported to wherever people work for less. Besides, B students work for C students and A students, lacking people skills are forced to teach at the institutions from which they graduate.

What to do? Ming, as always, has the answer. Pretend you are an unwashed immigrant. Having no credentials they are forced to do something useful and are usually paid in cash. Barbers, taxi drivers, restaurateurs etc. They then fiddle their taxes, keeping all their hard earned money and in ten years own mansions, late model cars and have no debt while you are forced to buy suits so you can sit under the fluorescents shuffling someone else's paper all day.

Maybe Ming should just blame the above peroration on that bad burrito now wending it's way through his system that peristalsis seems unwilling to push along, or maybe not.

Ming Solves Greek Debt Problem

Yes, Ming hasn't posted to his blog recently because he's been going hammer and tongs with the Greek authorities negotiating a foolproof solution to their debt problem that won't cost them a penny.

Instead of dancing in the aisles and breaking plates in paroxysms of unbridled joy, these clods seem not to fully appreciate the opportunity Ming is trying to bestow on them.

All they need do is reduce the Parthenon into pieces small enough to fit into blister packs suitable for sale at supermarket checkout counters. These impulse sales of instant history evoking the Athens of Pericles is a sure winner and will erase those debts quicker than you can say hoopa. All Ming asks in return is the franchise rights to all giro souvlaki stands in the good old U.S.A.

Ming already knows that some crybabies will whine about despoiling Western Civilization's heritage. To that Ming gives the well reasoned response of PHOOEY. The pollution from auto emissions alone, in Athens is going to reduce the Parthenon to rubble in about ten more minutes anyway. Why not turn the quick buck before that happens? Besides, if this turns out to be a real winner, there's plenty of rubble in the Bronx that is available so that no history buff need be disappointed.

The Sap Runs In The Spring

That means you. It's Spring and one of the places you are likely to run is to NYC. Hence, the kindhearted Ming offers the following admonitions to benighted tourists.

1) Don't stand at the edge of subway platforms. Perforce, potential pushers proliferate on platforms.

2) Don't ever stare anyone in the eye. A true native New Yorker will quickly punch your ticket with a song on their lips.

3) If attacked just act crazy. No one wants to deal with crazy people although achieving the requisite level of craziness to stand out from all the competition in NYC will not be easy. Practice in front of a mirror in the privacy of your own home before coming here.

4) Always trip on a registered pothole before attempting to sue the City. Under the NYC Pothole Law only irregularities in the street that have been reported but not repaired can result in the City being deemed negligent. This is the lawsuit capital of America and if NYC has any hopes of avoiding bankruptcy this law had to be enacted.

5) If a particularly shifty-eyed, impecunious, badly dressed and poorly groomed lout accosts you for spare change, before shoving him aside, be sure and ask if his name is Ming. He'll give you a good deal on "I Love New York" tschotskes.