The Sap Runs In The Spring

That means you. It's Spring and one of the places you are likely to run is to NYC. Hence, the kindhearted Ming offers the following admonitions to benighted tourists.

1) Don't stand at the edge of subway platforms. Perforce, potential pushers proliferate on platforms.

2) Don't ever stare anyone in the eye. A true native New Yorker will quickly punch your ticket with a song on their lips.

3) If attacked just act crazy. No one wants to deal with crazy people although achieving the requisite level of craziness to stand out from all the competition in NYC will not be easy. Practice in front of a mirror in the privacy of your own home before coming here.

4) Always trip on a registered pothole before attempting to sue the City. Under the NYC Pothole Law only irregularities in the street that have been reported but not repaired can result in the City being deemed negligent. This is the lawsuit capital of America and if NYC has any hopes of avoiding bankruptcy this law had to be enacted.

5) If a particularly shifty-eyed, impecunious, badly dressed and poorly groomed lout accosts you for spare change, before shoving him aside, be sure and ask if his name is Ming. He'll give you a good deal on "I Love New York" tschotskes.