Ming's Guide For Illegal Aliens Whose Status Is In Doubt

What with the new law in Arizona, it's only a matter of time before other states also initiate legislation allowing authorities to question immigration status. Therefore it is incumbent on all illegal aliens of whatever nationality to be able to effectively impersonate native born Americans when subject to questioning.

Become conversant with the latest idiomatic expressions in use. When stopped immediately say, "twenty-three skidoo, small change".

Engage your interlocutor in small talk to gain his confidence. Allude to the national pastime by asking if he thinks Babe Ruth will win today's featured race at Aqueduct by hitting one out of the park.

Show him you belong to the in crowd by speculating whether Francis X. Bushman is likely or not to make a movie with Theda Bara anytime soon.

Allow him to understand you are really an American by making inquiries based upon personal care products Americans are likely to share knowledge of. Ask when was the last time he used a deodorant. Tell him he looks like he needs Viagra.

Lastly, always be sure to wear a baseball cap as does any red blooded American, preferably one that says Los Yankees.