Ming Discovers Key To Success

All those Horatio Alger stories are just so much bunk to use a term extant when they were written. Slogging away at some thankless task will never get you all the good things in life. The yachts, the pied-a-terre in the South Bronx, that diamond-studded yo-yo you've always lusted after.

Success can be yours sans effort. Ming has been seeing the correlation all his life and in a paroxysm of generosity that surprises even himself, he will share the secret. People with two last names always succeed. Those with two first names invariably fail. Those with a first and last name have a shot but for them it's all uphill.

But Ming, you whine, what do I do if stuck with the dreaded lack of surnames? That's what the Courts are for you dolt. Get a legal name change. Powers Booth has a nice ring to it but some actor that would never have gotten a bit part without it already stole it. Likewise for Harrison Ford.

At the very least,if you can't even afford the court costs, use your first initial, middle name and surname such as F.Murray Abrams. For once at least the poor Chinese get a break since they get to put their surname first. Wu Hu Tu Yu is a real winner what with four surnames almost guaranteeing success in any endeavor and it even sounds friendly. So Wu Hu Tu Yu To.

Ming's Management Manual

Someday when you've finally hopped all the arcane academic hurdles and they are actually stupid enough to give an undeserving you a diploma, you will ask "what's next?" as that diploma becomes your ticket to the sturm und drang of corporate life.

Lucky for you, the one good thing you've ever done in life is to read Ming's blog which will guide your faltering footsteps. Primarily to succeed no matter how modest the station in the dung heap of commerce you find yourself wallowing in, the sine qua non(don't you now wish you took Latin?) is to build an empire. This means you must acquire subordinates. Be very careful when doing this. Chose only those who lack ambition and possess no more than pedestrian intelligence. This is de rigueur. After all, we can't have the wretched rodents undermining you and acceding to your glorious position.

"But what does one do with subordinates other than having them do the job for which you were hired?" asks you. "Special projects" replies Ming. The more arcane and obscure the better so no on can figure out that they are really spinning wheels and the "projects" are duplications of effort at best and totally unproductive and useless at worst.

However, the greatest utility to you in empire building and accumulating subordinates comes when corporate fortunes are at their nadir and draconian cuts become necessary. You will have cannon fodder to contribute as the ranks are decimated. After all, without subordinates it could have been you that would have had to fall on your sword.

Naturally there are many combinations and permutations inherent in the successful execution of empire building. Too many to elaborate on a mere blog. Just think of that palindrome about poor Napoleon as he tried to build an empire. "able was I ere I saw elba". You too can still get the chop through faulty execution of your game plan. Be ever alert. Success belongs to the paranoid.