Intruder Takes C.R.A.P. at F.D.A.

Emitting a Caustic Rodomontade Against Pazdur(CRAP), an incontinent Ming T. Merciless was finally subdued by several wiry secretaries held hostage at FDA Headquarters today. What was originally thought to be an explosive device strapped to his person, turned out to be a string of kielbasa and pepperoni there for personal consumption during the standoff with police. An unrepentant prisoner when taken into custody hinted darkly that one can only wonder why, since 1945, there has never been a contemporaneous sighting of both Richard Pazdur and Martin Bormann after the latter went to ground in Schleswig-Holstein.