Ming Has Fabulous Win in Tour de Bronx

Lance Armstrong is now green with envy. Grueling Tour de Bronx begins in Hunts Point section of South Bronx and ends at City line. Object is to still have possession of bicycle at end of race. No whining calls to police precincts or crybaby stops at hospital emergency rooms allowed. Lucky for Ming, his trusty Tanya Harding tire iron was there to save his skinny heinie when several hardened ten year olds stuck a broomstick in his spokes. Thats why Ming always wears a leather jacket when riding his bike, for protection from falls. Besides he's found that even when he doesn't take a tumble, chiffon wrinkles. Meanwhile, a jealous Lance tries to steal the limelight by claiming Ming used performance enhancing Thunderbird throughout the marathon. Ming only hopes this doesn't result in a Congressional investigation since it would be unfortunate should several indiscretions earlier in the race involving a very attractive midget wearing only red earmuffs should be brought to light. Don't the dummies in Congress have better things to pretend to do?