Miracle Drug Gets FDA Approval

Fong Pharmaceuticals says goodbye to the heartbreak of hangnails with Nail-Be-Gone. FDA clinical trials show a statistically significant reduction in hangnail size with limited side effects including, but not confined to, reduction in fingernail size, the occasional withered hand and obstruction of the bowl for those foolish enough to engage in nail biting after application of Nail-Be-Gone. "This is what we're all about" said a proud FDA official. Labeling issues are still being negotiated but will include the injunction not to engage in sex while operating heavy machinery 60 days before or after using Nail-Be-Gone. A full add campaign will be initiated immediately to maximize market penetration before instigation of all those untoward class action suits .