Man Arrested Impersonating Federal Employee

Seattle postal inspectors became suspicious when the operator of a letter sorting machine was found to be doing a good job. Their suspicions were further exacerbated when he was polite to patrons. They then realized something was truly amiss when he refused to take the standard three hour break. Further investigations revealed that not only was he shredding junk mail such as The Cancer Letter but was culling out of the system all mail to Dendreon Corporation. The miscreant, identified as M. T. Merciless was obviously a terrorist intent on securing the cover of a new identity since once apprehended he kept screaming that he was only seeking a new investor's name. Naturally, he is being prosecuted under federal statutes prohibiting anyone found on federal property from acting with efficiency, politeness and dispatch.