Dr. Merciless's Guide To Foiling The Flu

1) Avoid humanity at all costs. This is always good advice, but especially so during flu season.

2) If forced to interact with others, immediately insult them egregiously, thus cleverly avoiding the need to shake hands, always a purveyor of germs.

3) Wear a mask when away from home, especially when entering 7-Elevens. You may even be surprised to be offered money from the cash register.

4) When encountering anyone who is sneezing or coughing, immediately douse them with clorox. It's either you or them. Better them.

5) Even after taking these prophylactic measures, should you feel the onset of flu, repair to the nearest hedge fund manager and expectorate on him. Why shouldn't the deserving also suffer?

6) Once you are sure you have contracted the flu, stay home and curse uncontrollably for no less than 24 hours. This enables the blood to flow freely, cleansing your system of germs.

7) Should you intimate that the flu will cause your demise, call legal counsel immediately to have a codicil inserted in your will leaving all your worldly goods to Ming. It's the least you can do in payment for the above sterling advice.