Aug 10, 2009

Merely Mail Ming Money

Make mucho money mastering market moves mimicking Ming's mulcting machinations. Why wade through interminable commercials on Tout T.V. just to glean the stray stock recommendation? Ming does all the work for you. All you need do is send Ming money and receive Ming's Magic Market Money Maker", a copyright distillation of all bullish prognostications from major media mavens.

Now you can blithely disregard the observation that the current 50% rally replicates the 1930 48% rally preceding the next plunge in the market. You can cavalierly forget about the dismal unemployment situation(artfully massaged by the Government to show a positive skew). Laughingly overlook corporate profits which are just a function of cost cutting(already artfully pictured as positive by serendipitous reduction in analyst expectations). Cheerfully overlook dismal real estate values, defaults and dormant construction. Happily ignore ballooning federal deficits and the collapsing dollar.

Rely instead on the recommendations of sell side analysts on T.V. whose firm's front run those recommendations for a quick trade. Most of all, rely on honest newsletter purveyors such as Ming, to guide your faltering footsteps.

When sending in your payment(cash always given priority), be sure to label your payment clearly as being for "Ming's Market Money Maker" so Ming doesn't inadvertently send you "Ming's Lucky Lotto Dream Decoder" or his equally popular Ming's Guide To Manipulating Slot Machines".

Our operators are now on standby to take your order. Mention Ming and receive your free guide to "Surviving On Social Security". But that's not all. The first 500 callers will receive a complementary tin cup and one dozen pencils to foil panhandling accusations by the authorities for those implementing the bullish recommendations distilled from Tout T.V. Call now. What do you have to lose except more money?

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

The complementary tin cups must mean they're stackable, but what good is that if you only send one?