A Guide To Winning The Presidency

The first point is beyond obvious. Convince Ming to be your running mate. This will secure the all important psycho and chronic malcontent vote and assure you of winning in NYC and hence the State. Then fly Ming (first class), to California to promise Los Angelinos a freeway straight through Yellowstone Park. This will enable them to enjoy the wonders of nature without getting out of their precious cars. Naturally, Ming reserves the right to all road kill for his chain of Ming Burgers. For those still intent on visiting Wendy's, his candidate will introduce legislation making it mandatory for everyone over 18 to carry firearms at all times. Not only does this give you a fighting chance in our Nation's schools, offices, factories and postal facilities but makes for better road etiquette as well. You'll think twice about cutting someone off and giving them the dastardly digit when you know they're armed to the teeth. There's so much more Ming has to offer a candidate. Unfortunately, many of his solutions to the world's problems involve violations of the Geneva Convention.