It's Old But It Still Works

Want to sell bags of fingernail clippings? Tired of paying rent on that warehouse full of Nehru jackets? All that dreck and more can be easily sold with T.V. advertising.

The only stipulation is that your spokesperson have a British accent. We're not talking cockney or some other truncated versions of English speech. What is needed is the dulct tones of the upper class. It also doesn't hurt if your speaker looks the part. You're not going to get many orders for your matching set of crocheted tea cosies if Danny DeVito is flogging them on air even if he could affect an English accent.

To ensure solid sales, always advertise late at night. The lack of sleep makes insomniacs particularly vulnerable to soothing sales pitchs.

So old chap, who says reading Ming's eructations doesn't reap big dividends?