Finally

It took six thousand years of civilization, but it finally arrived. Ming is of course referring to the motorized barstool. Ming has only been made aware of this boon to humanity because it's inventor, somewhere in Ohio, was nailed by the short arm of the law for causing an accident.

This tribute to American ingenuity which consists of a barstool mounted on a lawnmower engine with a steering wheel can go thirty-five miles an hour.

Think of the envious stares as you tool into your favorite watering hole knowing you'll always have a seat no matter how crowded the dump may be. Think of being able to cause any amount of trouble safe in the knowledge that you can outrun the most agile of bouncers. Think also of the money you can save welching on your bar tab by making a quick getaway.

America can never lose it's technological superiority so long as we keep innovating at this level. Can a motorized barca lounger be far behind?

Everyone Wants To Scew Poor Ming

Just when Ming's ship is about to come in(think Dendreon), the currency he will soon be wallowing in is being devalued by quantitative easing(euphemism for indiscriminately printing money). Worse yet, blabbermouth, Zhou Xiaochuan, business head of The People's Bank Of China(PCofA) makes big speech calling for international currency not tied to any one nation(ours).

Go to www.pcb.gov.ch for full english text of scurrilous speech. Since 1983, the PCofA has been China's Central Bank. This web site, whose flawless translations are done by their International Department should perhaps reconsider their translation of Comrade Wang Hongzhan's title of Chief Disciplinary Officer.

Opening the management icon and hitting on Hu Xiaolian, which is what Ming would like to do, shows the lovely Xiaolian's picture. Note she is Administrator of Foreign Exchange which has the felicitous acronym, SAFE so it must be safe for her to engage in exchanges with foreigners. So it must be okay for capitalist pig Ming to now send love letter proposing marriage to Comrade Hu explaining his real name is John D. Rockerfeller and he is prepared to live six months of the year in the palatial digs of Comrade Hu in China if she will join him in living behind Ming's Hand Laundry in the U.S. the other six months. Seller's puff is always followed by buyer's remorse but Ming figures if she can iron shirts, he will come out ahead in the deal.

Tis The Season To Adjust

This February's seasonal adjustments to economic data have been particularly bogus so as not to frighten the great unwashed.

The adjustment for durable goods was the biggest since 1992, so retail sales show up as flat in February when they were actually down three percent, the largest drop on record.

The adjustment for new home sales was the largest since 1982 and turned a 40,000 non-adjusted housing start number into a headline grabbing annual rate of 583,000 starts.

So it goes to show that the seasons don't need adjusting as much as the adjustors need seasoning.

Ming Hails Geithner Plan

International Bank Of Ming will generously offer to sell it's dud loans for 90 cents on the dollar to newly formed Government/ Private Investor consortium. Hard hitting consortium negotiator, investor Ming offers 63 cents on the dollar, take it or leave it.

Running around the other side of the table, banker Ming congratulates Government on associating itself with such a tough cookie and capitulates, collecting 63 cents per dollar on that dross which promptly goes belly up. Since the glorious Government is on the hook at 6 to 1, investor Ming losses 9 cents on the dollar. Net, net, Ming is up 53 cents on the dollar and treats himself to an egg cream. Will the Big Banks do anything different?

Why Does Ming Have To Do All The Thinking?

Our glorious Government is using AIG as a conduit to prop up sundry domestic and foreign banks by honoring AIG's credit default swap obligations. They should instead declare these swaps to be against public policy and abrogate these obligations when the counterparty had no insurable interest, while refunding the monies paid to AIG.

This won't happen since they fear for the integrity of the world's financial system All this does not get the mild mannered Ming exercised. What does have him frothing at the mouth and chewing the legs off chairs is that one of the lucky recipients of that largesse is UBS to the tune of $5 billion dollars.

This is the same UBS that pled guilty to tax fraud but still won't cough up the names of 52,000 Americans who availed themselves of the UBS tax evasion schemes.

Must one have more than two functioning synapses to conclude the Government should withhold that $5 billion dollar bonanza?

Can't be done, cry our legal Solons. Contract law must be honored. Quite so, admits the chastised Ming who still has vestiges of his sly peasant logic to fall back on. Merely make John Doe tax assessments of $10,000 against each of these unknown tax evaders. Pay UBS their $5 billion and simultaneously seize it since UBS is agent for those 52,000 miscreants, their enabler and the scheme's originator. Let them then sue us in the World Court. Ming remains available to pick up his Noble Prize anytime except between the hours of 9:30 to 4:00PM weekdays when he is otherwise occupied.

Government Attempts To Quash Free Enterprise

Solid citizen Ming hasn't posted on his blog because he hasn't posted bail as he awaited arraignment for persecution(no typo) of his entrepreneurial efforts in general and his line of Rock Solid Penile Enhancement Devices, in particular.

Ming's kits are rock solid since the contain a solid rock. Just wrap said rock with twine and attach twine to the maliciously minute member and let good old gravity do all the work. His Honor, Sum Wei Wang was so impressed with Ming's before and after photos he bought three kits. It just goes to show that most pricks want to be even bigger pricks.

Ming hopes to sell many kits to the SEC and the FDA since no one there seems to yet have any rocks.

More Ming Madoff Musings

Ming proposes an alternate solution to the illegal use of SIPC funds to cushion the Bernie Madoff imbroglio. Note that Madoff ran an unregistered investment pool which under Rule 3C7 of the Investment Company Act of 1940 is exempt from registration with the SEC. The idea being that providing investments for the portfolios of a limited number of "sophisticated investors" is outside the ambit of any necessary oversight of the authorities. It is not a brokerage firm which contributes funds to the SIPC for self insurance on the demise of member brokers and the SIPC fund should not be raided to save Bernie's dupes.

Yet, even now, Ming Industries is implementing a more appropriate response to assuage those well heeled "sophisticated investors" caught in Bernie's " too good to be true because it isn't", scheme. Ming plans to issue a limited edition of Bernie Madoff collector plates suitable for display in the home or office of his investors featuring the smiling avuncular countenance of Bernie Madoff. Each plate in the series will contain a pithy, but appropriate epithet. Choose from "I Got Mine With Madoff", "Madoff Mulcted Me" or the ever popular "Oy Vay Ist Meir".

A portion of the proceeds from every order will be deposited in the save Bernie Fund to be used for his insanity plea. Ming T. Merciless, President Emeritus of Ming Industries will also plan to put up his personal residence to ensure Bernie's bail is not revoked. Unfortunately, what with the decline in commodity prices, the price of cardboard has also declined thus undercutting the ability to cash out Ming's current domicile . Maybe Ming could just send Bernie cigarettes so he has something to trade while inside.

Ming Signs Up For Ballet Class

This is clearly the road to riches. It worked wonders for one time Clinton aide and all around swell guy, Rahm Emmanuel who took two and a half years off to "work" for investment bankers Wasserstein & Perella. He was sufficiently fleet of foot to "earn" sixteen and one-half million dollars.

He then returned to Congress to become the House's #1 recipient of hedge fund contributions. Now he sitteth at the right hand of the President as Chief of Staff.

Ming can hardly wait to start doing pirouettes for the big bucks although he draws the line at wearing a tutu.

Ming's Neighbors Call 911, Reporting Mayhem

Howls of outrage. Screams of horror. Pleas for mercy and sobs of despair. Yes, taxpayer Ming was filling out his Federal and State tax returns again.

Take the total in 1b2 and insert on line f3c but only after dividing by the prime meridian and multiplying by psi to six decimal places but only for those who itemized. All others must refer to instruction booklet 453G which is not included and cannot be obtained without a Form 642Z also not included.

Not only are they trying to break poor Ming financially but mentally as well. Ming remains certain after jumping through all those abstruse hoops that somewhere, somehow there was a credit, deduction or exemption to which he's legally entitled were he clever enough to discover it while wading through the morass they laughing call the instructions.

In the next reincarnation Ming will try to come back as Treasury Secretary or Chairman of the House Ways and Means Committee. Each is responsible for tax law but neither is responsible enough to comply.