FDA Makes Fashionable Decisions

Ming will make a fortune on his new J. Edgar Hoover line of lingerie which has been very well received at FDA Headquarters. FDA decision makers, ever ready to equivocate, can now do so stylishly with respect to their own sexual orientation in all of this season's most fashionable colors. Jesse will look good, man, in his daring new peek-a-boo as he coquettishly minces around the office pretending that he's still evaluating Provenge approval and kidding himself that he's actually in charge of his own division. The Comish will be swish in his skimpy red teddy as he turns tricks for a daring new position after the presidential election. The Dickster will squeal with joy as he dons his see-through didies even though everyone already sees through his squealing ever since the Imclone fiasco. One can only hope these girls will stop dishing the dirt on Dendreon once it's been proved Provenge's performance provides penetrating power. What more could these girls ask for?

Ming Suggests New Hire For Dendreon

"Hi Billy Mays here for Dendreon. Do you want those shorts to come clean? Try the new improved Dendreon. Just scrub by the numbers at Interim and those shorts will look like they never had before.. Ming feels if Billy Mays could do it for OxiClean and Kaboom, he can do it for Dendreon. Anyway, its time those shorts got cleaned out and their portfolios go kaboom for good.

Fun Filled Funding Finally Found

The new 300 million dollar Dendreonland theme park can now become a reality with the funding from the new shelf registration. Dendreon can then take you for a real roller coaster ride. Experience the ups and downs. Enjoy those dizzying heights. Suffer those horrifying drops. Enter Fantasyland as you explore the FDA decision making process. Explore Frontierland as new therapeutics battle for survival in a cruel wilderness. Revel in Tomorrowland , a rich experience where everything meets with approval. The first 10 customers each day get to ride Mitch mercilessly(no spurs allowed). The price of admission is a mere $5 or one share of Dendreon, whichever is less. Ming already has applied for a lifetime pass.

Candidate Wins Ming's Coveted Endorsement

In the immortal words of H. L. Mencken,"Every decent man is ashamed of the government he lives under". The Sage of Baltimore was obviously talking about the FDA's actions in the Dendreon debacle. So candidates who feed at that public trough must be abjured. Pillory Hillary. Bash Barack. Distain McCain. Only Ming's dark horse candidate has proven he can go it alone. Only he has promised nothing and shown he can deliver. Only he makes Calvin Coolidge seem like a blabbermouth. Yes, only Mitch Gold can make this country as good as Gold. Besides, the way things are going, the poor shlimazel will need a job after some perspicacious Pharma scoops up Dendreon on the cheap.

Playing To The Cheap Seats

Time to drag Mitch kicking and screaming into the 21st century. Sixty second spot commercials with dancing girls. Paid celebrity endorsements. Hour long infomercials. Create a buzz. Have Mitch streak across the field during televised sports events with "Dendreon Rules; The FDA Are Fools" painted on his ample posterior. T.V. viewers are already satiated with Popiel Pocket Fishermen,(the weak minded Ming has several). It's time people were told to buy more Dendreon. You can't win it if you're not in it.

Desperate Dendreon Devotee Diets

A touch of potato famine, brought on by owning a stock that pays no dividends with which to buy comestibles forces poor Ming to rely on the kindness of supermarket food demonstrators. But how many crackers spread with what has to be joint compound can Ming ingest while awaiting Interim? Thus far the only time shareholder Ming is in clover is when he picks it himself and boils the leaves and blossoms. Tip to long time shareholders; Bread made from clover(trifolium) seeds and dried blossoms is a nutritious mainstay in times of famine. And how are you doing Mitch?

Philosophy 101 With Professor Bo Diddley

"I can't possibly disrobe in the parking lot" demurred the lovely young ingenue. "The emergency room is full up", reasoned Ming, looking every bit the authority figure in his stolen scrubs. "But I only have an infected hangnail", she replied. "Lie down and lets have a look at it" hyperventilated a lubricious Ming as the sweet young thing wisely made a hasty egress, much to Ming's chagrin. Once again this proves the late Bo Diddley's dictum "If you ain't got no money, nobody calls you honey". How much different would the results of poor Ming's clumsy attempts at seduction be had he but been able to identify himself as one of those newly minted, devil may care, Dendreon millionaires. The FDA's despicable rejection of Provenge has thus had a prophylactic effect on Ming's attempts at a love life, probably because, like most prophylactics they're scumbags.

FDA To Approve New Therapeutic In The Bronx

Revenge, a promising palliative which should have a very salutary effect is up for approval from the FDA(Fearsome Don Angelo). A Panel of experts on Revenge will have a Sit-Down to see if administering Revenge is safe or are we looking at some hard time here. They will then decide if Revenge shows evidence of efficacy in getting what is ours. The redoubtable Joey One-Eye will Chair the Panel. Everyone else has to sit on the stoop. There will be a secret I'ma like, I'ma no like, vote at the end of deliberations to make it's recommendations to Don FDA. No diabetics will be allowed on the Panel since Revenge is sweet.

This Burns Ming Up

It was ever thus. Michael Servetus worked six years on his Christianismi Restitutio. In Book V p.171 while discussing the divine spirit he described in accurate detail pulmonary circulation, perhaps the single most important statement about the workings of the human body in fifteen hundred years. No one had ever described the actual function of the heart before. He went yet farther and anticipated the discovery of capillaries which wouldn't be confirmed until the development of the microscope, two centuries later. On October 27, 1553, the Richard Pazdur of his day, John Calvin, had him burned at the stake as a heretic. When will Dendreon ever learn that the powers that be really don't countenance troublemakers with new ideas.Mitch, please take note and get mobbed up before its too late.

Ming Privy To Confidential FDA Directive In Privy

Policy Directive #666: All candidates for Division Director are to be vetted by answering the following interrogatives in the affirmative; 1) Is it your understanding that the general population is incapable of making informed medical decisions? 2) Should the FDA approval process be divorced from Congressional oversight? 3)Does statistical analysis trump good science? 4) Can expert panel recommendations be blithely disregarded when proved inconvenient? 5) Was the late Josep Mengele unfairly maligned in the press? 6) Do you at times become uncertain as to which end to vigorously apply your toothbrush to in the morning? NOTE: Extra credit may be given to any candidate evincing a total disregard for human values over and above that already evidenced by the above queries.

Solving Said Sales Snafu Simply

There should be no concern with Dendreon garnering sales personnel as needed once Provenge is approved and production ramps up. Ming can connect the Company with a couple of gentlemen from the neighborhood whose winning personalities make them naturals for rolling out any sales campaign at anytime. Big Augie and Joey the Tuna can also fall back on their legendary debating skills to close a sale. To wit; " Wazza madda wit you? You gotta problem or sumptin? Don't make me ask again how many cases a dat Provenge stuff you gonna take." That said whilst artfully grinding one's fist in the adjacent hand can convince the most recalcitrant prospect if he's at all mindful of the advantages of good health. Meanwhile, we must look toward the next milestone which is interim. You got some kinda problem wit dat?

Six Requests From The Civic Minded Ming

1) Don't drop your cigarette butts on the floor. The cockroaches could get cancer. 2) All FDA personnel are requested to not lean over the railings at the Wash. D.C. Zoo. Eating spoiled FDA members is injurious to the animals' health. 3) Should anyone in a public forum cry out,"Is there a doctor in the house?" we would request that Howie and Maha not stand up. 4) Would the real behind the scenes decision makers at the FDA, in future, please confine themselves to fixing races? 5) When Provenge is finally approved, would the option gluttons in Management throw the stray option to the guy who actually developed the cassette technology, wherever he may now be? 6) When legislation is finally passed, in our world of scarce resources, to shoot anyone caught hoarding, can a codicil be inserted excepting the hoarding of Dendreon shares and Little Debbie Cream Cakes?

Will The Sclerotic SEC Actually Act?

Ming's old buddy, Yu Lei Lo runs a safe house in Tsingtao's Alley of Flies for sociopaths on the lam from the law. Surely those in jeopardy of the laggardly SEC's belated interest in Wall Street rumor mongering would be well served to take the proverbial powder rather than expose themselves to accusations of moral degeneracy inherent in making the big bucks by shoving dying companies under the metaphorical bus. Better to suffer ten thousand pestilential putrescences in Tsingtao than be forced to address the questions even now being formulated by the SEC's chief investigator, Wo Tu Yu. Unfortunately, the SEC seems only interested in saving the Dr. Frankenstein's of Wall Street whose monsters, the hedge funds, have turned on it's creators. Dendreon will still have to wait for Interim results.

Ming's Motorcar Metaphor

Buy a car, pay cash but don't take delivery. Instead, let the dealer loan your car for his own profit to someone who then uses it to run you over. After the vehicle is wrecked and you suffer irreparable harm, the miscreant returns the car whenever he feels like it. This can also happen when you buy Dendreon. It can only be prevented by taking your car's registration certificate and parking the vehicle in your own garage.

Charity Begins At Home

Ming is always careful to look under his bed. Those jackbooted FDA enforcement turds, Stan Still and Ben Dover might come for Ming at any time. Ming swears he never solicited money to thwart the machinations of the FDA nor for any other good cause unless you count the time he was arrested soliciting funds for The Troubled Ute. Ming's Bronx accent may have inadvertently caused all those tourists to think they were helping some indians rather than poor Ming, troubled by his lack of funds. So if they haul Ming away who's going to feed his piranhas? Who's going to put them in the FDA cafeteria's soup tureen? Save poor Ming. Contribute now to Ming's Unhampered Living Conservation Trust (MULCT), and receive a free bumper sticker inscribed, "Ming's Mulct Mulcted Me"

Ming Makes Anatomically Impossible Suggestions

Confrontation loving Ming doesn't care what he says in the heat of battle. That's why the entire FDA organization was shocked when Ming told them all to go lick their elbow with their tongue. Not knowing their ass from their elbow,this of course caused as much consternation as when he suggested they couldn't keep twirling their right legs clockwise while inscribing the figure six in the air with their right hand. The leg would begin an involuntary counterclockwise motion. Now you know why FDA occupied buildings don't have see-through glass. It would be unseemly for taxpayers to be privy to what FDA personnel consider a challenging use of their time. Besides, who wants to see all those twirling tongues and assorted appendages.

Those Dirty Shorts

Ming visits noted necromancer and hand laundry operator Hu Kan Sai. Ming begs the famous thaumaturge to tell him Dendreon's fate. "The shorts are very dirty but will come clean before December" intones the sage. "Not using any soft soap, I predict all will come out in the wash". "A good drubbing of the shorts can come at any time and will bleach away all stains on this transaction and all will gleam like new". Where else can you get this kind of advice?

Dick Requires Good Condom

Dick Pazdur, head of CDER(Can't Develop Erections Responsibly) says his group needs a CONDOM. If 1300 new hires are being sought, there should be at least one good CONDOM to protect us, averred the Dickster. A Coordinator Of Nefarious Destruction Of Medicinals(CONDOM), is sorely needed. How else can we efficiently traduce new therapeutics unless the FDA, NCI, and various interested parties in the private sector coordinate their efforts. Our somewhat clumsy, ,heavy handed foreplay in jerking Provenge around proves this. We must protect our sinecures from the ravages of any radically new disease initiatives. Only a CONDOM can ensure that our pensions will not succumb to our having intercourse with strange new players. Had we been assured that they partnered only with Big Pharma beforehand, we would be more inclined to look more favorably on their blandishments as being risk free.

Ming Explains Fabulous 13 Cent Price Explosion

It has nothing to do with all drug and biotech companies being up today. All credit goes to Ming's latest offering on the Home Shopping Network, The Best Of Tiny Tim as sung by Maestro Ming in Mandarin requiring only shares of Dendreon in payment. Hence the spike in demand caused by music lovers everywhere panting to feverishly add that tonsil tickler to their record collections.. Hey! This is probably the only explanation that you'll ever get so don't complain.

In Loco Parentis

Ming is convinced that the baby biotech he has lovingly nurtured, little Debbie Dendreon, is now being actively pursued by two very eligible bachelors. Messrs Pfizer and Genentech are each quite a catch. Both have money up the proverbial wazoo and are capable of supporting the Debbster in a manner that poor Ming cannot provide. They could pay for her further education, provide social cachet and give her access to those very important people whose approval is necessary for her to make her way in the world. Since Debbie is only sweet sixteen, there are those who would consider these suitors as dirty old men who only want to enjoy her favors without providing for her best interests. Meanwhile she's still associating with unsavory FDA thugs that won't act in her best interests and could destroy her future. Perhaps if she waits until she turns eighteen, she will be in a position to make wise decisions armed with the knowledge that comes with having endured ever more difficult trials. Its really very hard being a parent.

I Pick Me Says FDA Honcho

Ming has it on good authority that the Leader of the CDER Direct Search Committee was more favorably disposed towards Janet Woodcock for that position over the more obvious choice, Jesse Goodman. Ming suspects this is no coincidence since the Leader of the CDER Direct Search Committee was Janet Woodcock. Rather a bit of a shame that after Goodman hung Provenge out to dry, hoping to increase his chances to head CDER by keeping the peace with CDER's minions, it still wasn't enough to insinuate himself into position to head that Division. Note that the Pharmaceutical Research & Manufacturers of America issued a statement strongly supporting the announcement, citing her "willingness to work with diverse partners". Who still says that she's too cozy with industry? Certainly not Amgen's Paul Eisenberg, their V.P. of Global Marketing Affairs who very presciently suggested beforehand that she should pick somebody like herself. And so she did. Ming likes Amgen's chances on whatever they present to CDER in future.

Experts Will Always Be With Us

This is endemic to the human condition, always. Someone interjects themselves between you and your goal to their own advantage.You're too stupid to worship God by yourself. You need a priestly class to be an intermediary to do it for you while you grub in the dirt to support them. Likewise with the FDA. You're too stupid to know if this works. Only rigorous statistical analysis can do that for you. But you don't understand that. We do. So just pay us your taxes and we'll say if you can have it. To Ming's peasant mind, some people apparently live longer if they take Provenge. It doesn't appear to hurt anyone who takes it. So give it to people who want it. If that sort of reasoning became commonplace, experts might have to find useful employ.

Ming Is Just A Heart-Beat Away

Thats the slogan each party plans to go with as they each beg Ming to accept the vice-presidential nomination of the other party. Let it be written into the record that candidate Ming has big plans should his inclusion on the ticket result in a landslide victory. It will then become mandatory for all government employees to wear Provenge Now tee shirts. Big changes will be made at the FDA involving blindfolds and last cigarettes. No member of Congress will be allowed to have verbal intercourse with anyone not residing in their District for ten years. All other intercourse must be televised for their constituents' delectation. No member of Congress will be allowed to own the financial instruments of any company anywhere on the Globe except maybe for Dendreon. Anytime Vice-President Ming goes hunting he gets to shoot anyone he wants to, and just like Dick Cheney, suffers no untoward consequences because of it.

Coin Of A Different Realm

"Milquetoast", shouted Fong. "May our ancestors bestow quadruple hernias on your unworthy carcass". Clutching those very same hernias, while avoiding blows from Fong's cane, Ming manfully drags the chest of bronze coin money from the family crypt. "Oh, to be ninety again and not have to depend on weakling grandnephews" intoned the venerable, old crackpot. There are several varieties of knife money in use from the 6th century B.C. in the Yellow River Valley and beyond. The most common is named Ming money and the appropriately eponymous Ming drags the chest up into Pell Street, through Chatham Square, across Park Row, down Broadway and into his Broker's office only to learn this is no longer legal tender in a Country where mere blips on a computer screen is fobbed off as money. May two thousand tenacious tumescences torture the trunks of all those who would impede the fortunes of Dendreon and it's investors. Meanwhile knife money no longer cuts it.