Ming Tightens His Belt

Doomed to penury while awaiting the much vaunted interim results for the Provenge Impact trial means no more ostentatious purchases in the fresh bread aisle. No more lavish rides on the subway to get to the soup kitchen. In fact, no more cardboard belt when clothesline rope can be had when some unwary housewife isn't looking. Buying bloated cans with no labels can also be too expensive when one lacks health insurance. The only expenditure worth making in the coming months would be a nice vial of sodium pentathol and its judicious application in the environs of Seattle. If one day Gold's word was as good as Gold, It'd be too late as I'd be too old.

Damaged Goods For Sale

The FDA, hoping to go unnoticed in the current meaningless reshuffling of inter-agency irresponsibilities in the financial markets, now hopes to quietly jettison some excess and embarrassing baggage. A slightly soiled Commissioner can be had for a song(as long as its not about bridges). A very shopworn head of CDER is marked down for quick disposal, although if reason were to prevail, the FDA should pay someone to take him. Various other impedimenta of little further use, such as post-Panel Scher and Hussein will be thrown in as mere lagniappes in hopes that some thrifty purchaser can find use for unindicted co-conspirators washing effluvia out of test-tubes, an example of the Peter Principle in action. In fact, were the powers that be, clever, they would dispense with the entire agency, replacing it with hotlines to Michael and Stevie to determine which supplicants are to have their products approved.

Everything Must Go

Yes, its true. Ming's eagerly awaited annual going out of business sale is here and everything must go. All indoor sundials, all left-handed monkey wrenches replete with left-handed monkeys, even his full line of Dicky Pazdur toilet brushes guaranteed to stir up a big mess. The only thing not for sale is his shares of Dendreon. After all, the final results should be a lock and the trial has been accelerated a year. Even the interim, which is only months away could propel Dendreon into approval. In the meantime, a buyout, partnership or further developments in other initiatives could cause the stock's price to rise. So while Ming will cheerfully sell you his Howie Scher Fanny Banks,(drop coins in his slot and hear him toot to your tune just as he did for Proquest), Ming's Dendreon is not up for grabs.

FDA Hails New Therapeutic

Shaken Stockholder Syndrome has now been addressed by Fong Pharmaceuticals, the company that brought you Constipation Relief Alleviating Patients(CRAP). The FDA allows CRAP to fly right through the approval process, so it was no surprise that our latest efforts squeezed out another winner. Shaken stockholder syndrome is best served by partnering with Big Pharma while being "advised" by a consortium of fee generating Wall Street advisors. It is neither safe nor efficacious but once these guys have a piece of the action and the FDA sees that, they can do nothing but approve. We like to call our product SCUM(Shareholders Can't Underrate Manipulators). Purchase some SCUM now before its too late. Shareholders that do will no longer have to shake when seeking approval for their Company's product.

Ming Gets Inside Information

Ming personal friend of Yu Tu Fat, Mitch's personal trainer. Yu inside Dendreon headquarters giving Mitch a rubdown when he overhear Mitch say new edict of Company is that all must fasten seat belts when driving company cars. Ming feels this could only mean we're going places.

A Moment Of Silence For The Dearly Departed

People who publicly destroy their careers in five minutes. Pee Wee Herman's theater unveiling. Eliot Spitzer's peccadilloes, Don Imus's inappropriate comments. Jim Cramer's incriminating video. Howard Scher's laughably flawed protest letter on Provenge. Let us all bow our heads and grieve for illustrious careers now lost. Ming doesn't want to hear any schadenfreude induced snickering, either.

What Ever Became Of Lapidation?

In biblical times, stoning was the answer for everything from murder to theological jaywalking. Now that we haven't had a good stoning in the Western world for ages, see where its gotten us. An FDA, just a stone's throw from rejecting Provenge and stonewalling all attempts at compromise. Yet remember, their decision is not cast in stone. So cast not the first stone until several more months pass. If nothing is made apparent by then, Ming will be in the market for a catapult.

Time To Move The Goalposts

Provenge is neither a drug nor a vaccine. Given that, why should it be under the aegis of the FDA? All good negotiators know enough to begin the bargaining process from an unattainable position so that in the process of negotiated compromise they arrive at or near the desired result. Rather than coming to the FDA as a supplicant which postulates that theirs is the right to approve, why not begin by questioning their legitimacy to approve? This Agency no longer has the moral highground. It allows carcinogenic cigarettes to be sold. It never approved fluoride which is a poisonous by-product of the aluminum industry in our drinking water, yet while the rest of the world eschews its use, the FDA stands idly by. Its mandate is to opine on the safety of what we ingest and it has failed. Its mandate is not to play a costly game of Simon Sez with our right to try to save our own lives. Rather than risk stirring demands for a sea change, the FDA could see that a change of heart on approval is more conducive to their own safety and efficacy.

Scared You'll Be Sued For Screwing Dendreon?

Buy Ming's Guide for Defendants in Denial now on D.V.D. Our introductory chapter on suborning witnesses is alone worth the price you will pay. Learn where to obtain tailor made expert testimony. Learn the advantages of being the first to rat. Study the chapter on presentation of self in a courtroom setting. This chapter includes, but is not limited to, always carrying a Bible(not recommended in Islamic countries). Crying on cue(glycerine drops are de rigueur). Use any of the canned speeches found in the addenda evincing high dudgeon that you could even be accused of any form of turpitude(be sure to wipe the porn from all computer discs and don't stint when obtaining a good crosscut paper shredder beforehand). Our Guide represents outstanding value and can be used again and again on your appeals once incarcerated.

Ming Seeks Prophylactic Penalties

Watching those Rumpole of the Old Bailey episodes finally pays off big time for Ming. Adjusting his periwig, barrister Ming is now ready to approach the bench in The People v Pazdur. Ming begs his Worship's pardon as he demands Pazdur, who is poster boy for big erectile dysfunction interests, be made to put condom over his head. If the condom fits, convict. Court can now only return verdict that Pazdur is notorious hard on who spreads the seeds of subversion throughout the FDA such that he wantonly and with malice aforethought had his way with small, innocent underage biotechs in general, and Dendreon in particular, thus besmirching their good reputations. Further, had he only taken care to wear a condom over his head at all times, this would not have occurred. His cohort, von Eschenbach the eunuch, by the very nature of his affliction, must be found not culpable. Ming respectfully petitions the Bench that Pazdur be pummeled with potassium nitrate until he softens up his rigid position on Dendreon.

Ming Takes The Plunge

Despondent over Dendreon's shares remaining below $5, Ming runs up to the roof. Bystanders shout, "jump Ming,jump". Typical New York crowd always looking for blood. Good sport Ming, always a crowd pleaser, does not disappoint and ever the gentleman, even courteously waves to people in each floor on the way down. Afterwards, firemen who catch Ming in net profusely apologize, not having realized Ming is Dendreon shareholder and would have been better off sans net. After castigating overeager rescuers, Ming is about to suck third-rail in subway until he realizes, Mitch would only go to Board demanding more options because now fewer stockholders out there to be dissatisfied with his performance.

Heavy Hangs The Head That Wears The Crown

As soon as the FDA coughs up approval for Dendreon's Provenge, Ming will have to take up cigar smoking so he can be seen lighting up with 100 dollar bills. Then must locate good source of top hats, spats, mallaca canes and all else needed to look more like Adolphe Menjou and Charles Colburn. Next move, start dating hot young starlets like Theda Bara and Anna Mae Wong or even some that are still alive. Then donate to campaigns of bright young politicos like Harold Stassen and Tom Dewey. Ming would buy flashy new roadster but still not sure internal combustion engine will catch on. One can sort of empathize with Howie Scher. Its hard to break with the safe, secure past even if it never really worked out all that well for most people.

Barrister Ming Dons The Peruke

Laboring under the aegis of that old legal bromide that any dirty, filthy, vomiting miscreant is entitled to the best defense, barrister Ming turns his finally tuned legal mind to the task of defending little Howie. After combing the legal stacks with several much deserved breaks to examine centerfolds at his favorite newsstand, the only viable precedent he can recommend is the Topsy defense. As you may remember, when unjustly accused of theft, a desperate Topsy, as recorded in chapter twenty of Harriet Beecher Stowe's Uncle Tom's Cabin, averred, "Cause I's wicked-I is. I's mighty wicked any how. I can't help it". This then, is the best one can hope to assert in defending someone who was already rich, respected, powerful and well connected, but still had to have more even at the cost of the dying. In sum, he should plead that "the devil made me do it" and I think we all know who that is. Thus, Barrister Ming will cleverly invoke the Twinkie defense for the Dickster when he appears in the docket.

Foul Fangpi Fong

China has saying parents use with children when punishing, da shi teng, ma shi ai. (smacking is fondness, scolding is love). Head of Tong, Granduncle Fong has become hong (famous), for being fond of Ming who has the scars to prove same. Ming loses much face, both figuratively and literally when Dendreon got Approvable Letter. Venerable old geezer not understand approval is still inevitable as he snarls "wo nosi ni"(I should strangle you to death)as he wraps his ancient claws around Ming's delicate esophagus. He also fails to understand a wise FDA(major oxymoron), will better serve its own interests by providing Conditional Approval before lawsuit,FOIA requests, protests and petitions make life untenable by connecting slimeball Scher's COIs to his enablers within the FDA and NCI. Embarrassment to current administration in D.C. as we approach 2008 elections cannot be allowed to occur. Then Ming regains his guanxi(influence) with old fangpi(fart) Fong.

April Is The Cruelest Month

Ming is self medicating again. Interventions don't help. Now he isn't even out of the store before he rips the cap off and takes his Reddi-Whip straight up. Another lost weekend waiting for approval gorging on Little Debbie Cream Cakes. Where will it end? Will Ming become an odious, execrable pauper or an odious, execrable plutocrat? All Ming ever wanted was to erect a little toll booth on the FDA's bridge of beneficence, preferably in the exact change lane.

Run, Ming, Run

Ming fondly remembers the halcyon days of his youth when generous relatives would cheerfully give him sharp objects while telling little Ming to run home as fast as he could go. A kindly Fong would always keep him well supplied with plastic garment bags with which he was encouraged to play house. He was even allowed, nay, goaded to cross busy thoroughfares at will. It is all clear now that Clotho, Lachesis and Atropos were saving Ming for Dendreon's approval by the FDA. He only hopes his luck holds out long enough to see it happen.

Shoveling Shit At The FDA

Remember Mel Brook's Great Line From Blazing Saddles, "Gentlemen, we must protect our bullshit jobs". Unable to find gainful employ, rejects tend to wash ashore at the FDA. Protecting their sinecures, they smugly point out that 9901, Dendreon's Provenge Phase Three trial missed its surrogate endpoint. They wanted assurance that the results were no more than 5% likely to be random. Layman Ming would be humbled by his ignorance if he didn't know that the miss was two-tenths of one percent. So there was a 5.2% possibility that Provenge's results could be random. Ming would also demure if time to progression, the endpoint used wasn't designed to measure the delayed results of a vaccine. He would also keep quiet if he didn't realize that the 5% used as the measure is arbitrary. Why not 6% ? Maybe if we had six fingers on each hand, we'd have used 6%. Maybe we should round up or down to the nearest whole percent. No matter. This is "science". Please don't quibble that survival, for which the surrogate endpoint was used as a proxy shows good results. Go away Ming unless we can interest you in our latest chemo cocktail that shrinks tumors almost as fast as it does the host but doesn't extend survival. What we don't approve can't hurt us. Errors of ommission don't count. Statistics have saved our bullshit jobs. Ming wonders if organized requests that they lose their bullshit jobs would pique their scientific interest? Thank God Alexander Fleming did his work outside the purview of the FDA otherwise we'd still be waiting for penicillin.

Is Ming de Classe?

Some abjure what Ming would construe as a tasteful display of wealth. Can Ming be considered a parvenue just because he plans to commission a flashing neon sign for insertion on his lawn, after approval, indicating "rich person lives here'? Does the money bin, ala Scrooge McDuck now in the planning stages reflect adversely on his character? Does his desire to stop strangers on the street to regale them with how Dendreon is going to made him wealthy seem gauche? However, Ming does reluctantly admit that the soon to be nouveau riche should probably not brag whilst standing in line for their free breakfast at the homeless shelter. It just isn't done.

Dendronia The Gem Of The Ocean

Why be flummoxed by the FDA of any country when you can form your own. While its true that since early in the 20th century every square foot of dry land has been claimed by at least one country, there is still hope. Under International law, a country may only claim sovereignty over islands which lie outside its international waters if the islands are at least a foot above high tide. But we are not sunk if we claim any of many submerged coral atolls. Erect a used oil rig, declare sovereignty and establish a clinic. Ming volunteers to run the gift shop which could be stocked with Richard Pazdur dart boards, Dicky Pazdur balloons suitable for pricking and the ever popular Pazdur paddle with a lifelike rubber likeness attached by elastic string to the paddle for playful pummeling. If we can provoke the U.S. to invade us and we capitulate, we can demand they allow our only export, Provenge, to be granted preferential import to the U.S. as part of a Marshall Plan for our rehabilitation as a nation. Dendreon uber alles.

There Are Maggots In Fong's Rice Bowl

"Come closer worm, Fong would have a word with you". Since Granduncle Fong is firmly pulling at Ming's lower lip with pliers, Ming is eager to comply. Fong understands his little flyer in Dendreon has gone awry. "What to do and who to do it to?" intones the ancient Fong in funereal tones. Ever the coward, Ming regurgitates platitudes. Truth, justice and solid Panel recommendations should have carried the day simpers the hapless Ming. "Gregor Mendel was right" avers Fong. Only one in four peas are purebred dominant and peabrained grandnephew Ming is not one of them. The Annual Report shows NOLs and credits whose tax benefit is almost $2.50 a share to an acquirer in the same industry but is carried at zero on the Balance Sheet. Cash is worth more than $1 a share. The antigen delivery cassette has great value."Where is your risk oh addled brained Ming?" asks Fong as he inserts his chopsticks into Ming's ears. Fong does not like maggots in his rice bowl but is prepared to eat around them.

Ming Drops A Dime On The FDA

NYPD Quality of Life Squad disturbs Ming's repose as he power naps while slumped across a fire hydrant after a night of impromptu perorations in various watering holes bemoaning Dendreon's sandbagging by the FDA. Realizing it's best customer Ming, they carefully skull steer him into a cruiser and repair to Central Booking. Ming courageously informs the desk sergeant that he would be better served spending his time charging the rodents at the FDA with crimes against humanity rather than picking on solid citizen, Ming. Told to shut up since he said the same last week, a petulant Ming vindictively upchucks on a passing Captain's shoes to the delight and approbation of everyone in the drunk tank. Meanwhile, those worthies will be hearing about the FDA's transgressions until Ming is arraigned in the morning. After all, its up to each of us to spread the word.

Fear, Uncertainty and Doubt Now A Thing Of The Past

Your Prayers Have Been Answered. Ming Enterprises, the people who brought you that taste sensation, chocolate covered sauerkraut and that time-saving reversible underwear, proudly announce that they've done it again. FUDBEGONE. Just as with children who misbehave, invent a disease to capitalize on the desire for a pill to solve everything. Whether its attention deficit disorder or FUD, the FDA will approve a product if it debilitates the recipient. Ming Enterprises artfully calls this affliction, fuditis. The FDA will readily and even eagerly approve FUDBEGONE especially since its toxic and unsafe when sprayed on fudsters, just so long as it addresses nothing of consequence, which is the very definition of FUD and the very raison d' etre of the FDA.

Ming The Gullible

Ming never doubted the Piltdown man nor even the Cardiff Giant. The Vinland Map is undoubtedly genuine as is Ming's vintage collection of chastity belts, splinters of the True Cross and Shakespeare's lost sonnets. Yet, not even the gullible Ming can buy into the arguments made defending the integrity of the FDA's decision to deny outright approval for Provenge. The bunko artists at the FDA have a lot to answer for both here and in the hereafter. Irrespective of any late stage epiphany as to Provenge's efficacy, they should be made the subject of a criminal investigation. It would be very hard for a State Attorney General to look anything but a hero in his constituents' eyes, grilling these mountebanks.

Every Silver Lining Has A Cloud

Shocked that Dendreon is not yet subject to a bidding war, Ming takes solace that at least he is . The notorious Wei brothers, rival heads of the Wei Gyt Yu Yeit Mortuary and the Wei Deip Zix Yu Funeral Home are fighting over Ming's services as professional mourner. People are dying to have Ming at their funerals. Ever the crowd pleaser, Ming, dressed in the traditional long black cheong saam, gnashes his teeth, throws himself on the coffin, cries real tears and screams" why not me?"as he drums his feet. Trick is for Ming to envision how rich he would have been had approval been given and short squeeze ensued. Ming hopes to have new career recording laugh tracks for taped sitcoms once the gang of four(Pazdur, Scher, Hussein, and von Eschenbach) receive their just reward. Ming dedicates today's joss sticks to Tin Hau ,Queen of Heaven who rules storms and the very wrath of heaven itself. Let her reward the gang of four's tiny benighted careers based on the death of others with a great dai-fung that will wash all their insidious efforts away.

Ming In Hot Water

How was Ming to know tub was hot? Ming swears tub could have fallen from plumbing supply truck by itself. Lucky Ming then found and dragged it to FDA HQ as symbolic protest encouraging FDA to come clean. FDA says no soap. All soft soap used up when dirty, unwashed von E met with now silent activists. So FDA still thinks it can do the dirty to Dendreon and give it a hosing even when its towel boy Howie is already shown to be all wet. Howie will soon find himself in hot water and will be showered with attention. The truth will leak out. Then the FDA will take a bath, Pazdur will be all washed up and objections to Provenge will go down the drain. Only then will Ming dry up and take a powder.

Fascist Federales Manhandle Ming

Lousy troglodytes at National Park Service take away jackhammer and collar Ming on bogus rap for defacing national monument. Poor Ming only getting head start on adding Mitch to Mount Rushmore in anticipation of announcing Dendreon's Impact study interim results and maybe even ROW partnership . Unless Ming makes bail, this could delay his new line of Pazdur Wipes with lifelike image of Dicky Pazdur's countenance on every wipe. Product is designed to promote personal hygiene after viewing effects of criminal FDA activity on stock price.

Mitch's Lesson In The Mystery Of History

Any schoolboy could tell you that Mitch Dyre discovered the Strait of Magellan although at the time he felt he was in Dyre Straits since no one had satisfactorily proved that this route showed substantial evidence of efficacy in reaching the Pacific Ocean and the Spice Islands. Not until many years later and after many navigators died trying alternate routes did a statistically significant number of navigators meet with success using this route such that it received approval. By then some upstart named Magellan copped the bragging rights. Unfortunately, by that time Mitch had no more options and after trying to establish a northern route to the Pacific he instead discovered The Bronx where he was of course mugged and died broke. Today, Dyre Avenue in The Bronx is named in his memory.

Ming Hopes For Chinese Backscratcher

DreamMay 9th proved fatal to Ming's hopes of becoming rich, insufferable, pompous twit. Ming already had the twit part down pat and as readers of his Blog can attest, insufferable is Ming's middle name(actually its popinjay). But its tough to act pompous when you're not rich. Ming could still see his dream come true if only Chinese Government backed Sibonio buys Dendreon for nice round sum.(yuan means round, refering to shape of prepaper money) They not dim, sum must be large enough so they then have Genidicine and Provenge, cornering market for innovative therapuetics that work. FDA can then chow down on dog food problems since they spend too much time chewing on people problems whose solutions they find hard to swallow.

Ming Consults Herpetologist

Don't be unkind. Ming does not have herpes, no matter what Mingwinna says. Was only hoping to learn if poisonous snakes could be trained to entwine caduceus to be presented at gala Big Pharma Award Ceremony to the two most notorious oncologists whose efforts last year, did the most to retard the fight against cancer. Herpetologist say ixnay, snakes not bite based on both professional courtesy and fear of becoming infected. Oh Ming, where is thine sting?

Ming Stricken With Embarassing Affliction

Every time Ming now hears dreaded words such as approval, efficacy, panel etc. Ming's hands clench and he begins to thrash around. Doctors call this restless fist syndrome(RFS) and is very painful when occurring in public. Last night waiter in fine restaurant ask Ming if he APPROVE of the wine. Took four waiters and six busboys to drag Ming away after he climbed table while excoriating FDA. Only hope for quick cure lies in PROTECT(p-11) trial results. Honorable 10k say patients followed "for the clinical endpoints of distant failure and overall survival. We plan to submit the data for presentation at an upcoming medical meeting." Maybe data on survival for androgen-dependent patients in p-11 compelling enough to warrent demanding approval for all patients. Then Ming not have to suffer heartbreak of RFS not to mention heartbreak of reimbursing cranky restauranteurs for breakage.

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Shareholder Ming Performs Due Diligence

Entrepreneur Ming's latest blockbuster offer of Barry Bond's #756 home run ball at $39.95 or three for $100 is not being well received. Same for Thursday's Dendreon conference call. Faithless ingrates parse every word and read into every voice inflection nuances of their own making. Selfish listeners don't even care that poor Mitch was under tremendous scheduling pressure to still make that 10.00 A.M. tee time. Maybe thats why, once again, no shareholders questions were heard. Lucky for all, Ming was doing due diligence in that air grate immediately behind and below the podium. Observation of body language is important. While there was much posterior scratching, Ming graciously chalks that up to mere hemorrhoidal happenstance. No one crossed their fingers behind their backs nor rolled their eyes while their compatriots were speaking. Nor was there a jostling elbow to be seen, although if they serve gefilte fish again next quarter Ming reports the air quality to the EPA. So even if Mitch doesn't walk on water or even wash with water, Ming retains the hope that Mitch can at least pass water. Maybe thats why the FDA is all wet.

A Gracious Ming Accepts Mandate

Ming has tears in his eyes as he reads the quote of the noble Von Eschenbach's search for suckers to man the newly enacted Reagan-Urdal Foundation. "We are looking forward to foundation candidates who will work with us to enhance the transformational nature of future efforts to protect and promote the public health". Jaundiced readers can take that to mean he needs to co-opt representatives from every interested group to take the heat off the FDA's future bungled decisions. Ming will valiantly take up the cudgels for so gallant an effort. Ming's first suggestion once appointed is that von E, Pazdur and anyone at the FDA that ever agreed with them on anything reap the benefits of a nice battery acid enema. That should reduce the amount of effluvia emanating from that august agency and finally clear the air so that real therapeutics can be had by those that need them.

Ming's Righteous Rant On The FDA

The witless, slack-jawed and lice-ridden minions of the FDA(Fears Doing Anything) fail to realize the Great Wheel of Transmigrations is even now turning. What new incarnation will their diseased efforts earn them? Returning as cockroaches insults the insect kingdom whilst no decent garden slug would copulate with them. One supposes they could come back as politicians but such ignominy is not to be wished on any miscreant, however foul. Were it not for their "Just Say No" job protection policy, Ming would even now be wallowing in the pleasures of Madame Wu's Gourmet Emporium of Pleasures(our tarts are sweet). These troglodytes deny life extending therapies and snatch obscene riches from the deserving clutches of a meritorious Ming. In the next turn of the wheel, let the chief troglodyte skin NYC sewer rats on a piece-work basis for Murray's House of Affordable Furs instead of skinning innocent investors of their just deserts(especially those tarts), in this go-round. Ming feels better now, but not by much.

Ming Tries A Snow Job

A desperate Ming plans on playing Henry IV to Mitch's Pope Gregory VII. Henry stood in a haircloth shirt outside Castle Canossa in the snow for three days in January 1077 begging the Pope to reverse his excommunication. Ming plans to stand outside Dendreon's Seattle headquarters begging Mitch to communicate anything that would reverse Dendreon's stock price. This is not so easy as it sounds. Not only can't poor Ming find haircloth shirts on sale in the L.L. Bean Catalog but he finds the rental cost of a snow machine to be astronomical. Ming supposes sitting outside HQ in an aluminum beach chair wearing speedos while a confederate cascades him with confetti made from Mitch's Form 4s just doesn't have the same impact.

Scher And Hussein Have Their Rights

Howard Scher and Maha Hussein each did their best to scuttle Provenge approval after the positive FDA Panel vote even with their votes against efficacy by writing protest letters to the FDA that were fortuitously leaked to a non-peer reviewed newsletter published by people with no medical background. This gave cover for denial of approval in the face of the Panel's scientific opinion that would have militated for approval. Afterward each expressed qualms for their safety. Barrister Ming advises that each obtain a Court Order Of Protection requiring anyone who ever posted derogatory denunciations on the IV or Yahoo Dendreon Boards to remain more than 100 feet away at all times. Moreover, under the aegis of the Court Order this should also include anyone that either has or could get PC. Lastly, anyone with an insurable interest in the latter parties or is dependent upon them for emotional or financial support or could be the victim of lost services from said parties must also be subject to the order. Upon reflection Barrister Ming understands this to mean that both Scher and Hussein would also come within the ambit of their respective Orders of Protection and would thus be required under the Law to remain more than 100 feet away from themselves and each other at all times.

Ming Knows Too Much For His Own Good

Adjusting his tinfoil hat and looking suspiciously under his bed, Ming declares he is not paranoid. He knows why Dendreon's Provenge approval was delayed and why the price is held down. Come closer gentle reader. Let Ming whisper the answers into your hairy, unwashed ear. Industrial espionage and reverse engineering. Time is of the essence. If Ming were head of a pipeline parched pharmaceutical, you can bet your last kopek he would dispatch his minions to infiltrate the manufacturing process at Dendreon, get his grubbies on the cassette technology and reverse engineer the solution to how it works. This all takes time. Meanwhile, the price must remain depressed while approval is delayed. No favorable financing predicated on a higher priced stock can be allowed that would enable them to reactivate their pipeline. The future direction of medicine could be at stake. Big Pharma must be first. Coca-Cola's formula is only known by three people. WD-40's formula is only known by three people. Ming trembles to ask how many dunderheads at Dendreon know how the cassette technology works. The formula is probably kept hidden in one of those fake rocks people leave outside with the keys to their house in them. Meanwhile, Ming, whose enemies are legion, just like Caesar Augustus , is forced to confine his diet to random figs he picks in the orchard thus foiling all attempts to poison him. Unfortunately, this has the ancillary effect of boosting the market for adult diapers.

A Failure To Communicate

Bounder, ejaculated the tourist. We've been euchred wailed his wife as Ming hopped down the stairs of the Forbes Building at 60 Fifth Avenue and scuttled across 12th Street dragging his portable admissions booth after him. Ming tries to be there T,W,F and Sat. when the little known Forbes Toy Soldier Museum is open just off their ornate lobby. He hopes to rectify their oversight in not charging admission. Only here can his drooling not draw attention as he and the stray fellow droolers marvel at the rotating dioramas of vintage military miniatures denied them in their youth. Collecting an admission fee from the unwary seems only fair when even the FDA Commissioner demands the price of free speech and the right of assembly for entre into his august presence as was the case in the Dendreon demonstration outside FDA headquarters. Strother Martin, in Cool Hand Luke was right. "What we have here is a failure to communicate".

A Clever Ming Capitalizes On The Spitzer Fiasco

Ming's first move is to solicit Ashley "Dupre" to invest the one million dollars offered her by Penthouse in Dendreon. She should empathize with Dendreon which is also being screwed at ridiculous prices. Next, Ming will take over the rehabilitation of Elliot's image for enough coin to short hotel stocks now that Elliot is out of action and the Nation's other legislators become temporarily more contrite and circumspect, seeing his example. Then Ming will book appearances on Oprah for the contrite Elliot who will tearfully admit to his sexual addiction while fondling Oprah in inappropriate places. Evidence of his sincerity will be provided by him publicly making contributions to various sperm banks. Only then will Ming slyly introduce his new line of Elliot Spitzer sex toys including the top of the line HHH doll(horny hotel ho). Why should the common shlub have to pay top of the line prices for a common looking ho and exorbitantly priced hotel rooms as well when for $19.98 and the price of a bicycle pump he can have his way with the HHH in the privacy of his own home? Bicycle tire patches for those engaging in rough trade with their HHH are extra.

High Chinese FDA Official Indicted

Prosecutor, Yu Noi Li Tu Mei has been appointed by The People's Central Committee in the case of Drug Agency head, Sum Dum Bu Nei. His subordinates and indicted co-conspirators the powerful heads of two key agency divisions, Wei Li and Aei Li Sum are also parties to the case as is their outside adviser, fallguy and all around dupe, Mei Li Fu Yu who published derogatory and misleading claims to further the defendents agendas. The Prosecutor's trial attorney will be the famous Hu Sing Fo Mei. Hu plans to have take the stand his star witness, Mei Sing Song Fu Yu whose testimony observers say ,should blow the case wide open. The Honorable Wei Suun Sei will preside. It is rumored that America's FDA is following this case closely but is loathe to file an amicus curiae brief on behalf of the defendants due to certain litigation which could arise from freedom of information requests they have yet to honor. This could result in much lost face not to mention the effects on their hinnies when the boot is applied to their fat heinnies.

Intruder Takes C.R.A.P. at F.D.A.

Emitting a Caustic Rodomontade Against Pazdur(CRAP), an incontinent Ming T. Merciless was finally subdued by several wiry secretaries held hostage at FDA Headquarters today. What was originally thought to be an explosive device strapped to his person, turned out to be a string of kielbasa and pepperoni there for personal consumption during the standoff with police. An unrepentant prisoner when taken into custody hinted darkly that one can only wonder why, since 1945, there has never been a contemporaneous sighting of both Richard Pazdur and Martin Bormann after the latter went to ground in Schleswig-Holstein.

Ming Might Form Foundation

Don Cheech is not happy. Ming was supposed to keep an eye on his Dendreon investment and Joey One Eye was supposed to keep an eye on Ming. Now the Don's investment is getting nowhere which is where Ming may wind up unless the antisocial Mitch does the right thing and gets connected. If we don't see $10 by year end, more concrete action may have to be taken. This could floor poor Ming, especially when the redoubtable Mr.One Eye's crew pours an all-wet Ming into the foundation of yet another ubiquitous NYC skyscraper. Lets hope Mitch gets an offer that he can't refuse.

Ming Is Victimized By Profiling

In what was a clear cut case of profiling, police stopped Ming in full Emperor's Robes and regalia on the sidewalk and subjected him to unreasonable search and seizure. Mustering all his considerable dignity, Ming fell out of the car and weaved over to the offending officers using a bar stool he appropriated earlier as a walker and triumphantly reasoned he was riding the sidewalk only to avoid creating traffic congestion. In legal circles this is known as the Howard Scher defense. Don't single out poor Howie's unacceptable behavior in protecting big chemo interests to the exclusion of immunotherapies even though it puts others in danger of an early death. Howie is just trying to avoid encumbering the road to curing cancer from encountering any other vehicles. Ming can proudly say his excuse rests on the solid foundation of being dead drunk. Whats Howie's excuse?

How To Avoid Reporting Naked Short Sales

In Chinese slang, to stink also means to have unjustified pride as does Pei Yu, business head of the venerable firm of Sum Dum Investors. Yu was just pridefully bragging how easy it is to avoid Reg SHO reporting of short sales without a borrow or even a locate.. No use SS says Yu, always use S. Marking a ticket S means its a sale. Marking a ticket SS means its a short sale. So instead of admitting that you failed to borrow or locate shares before selling them short you represent that you already own them before selling them. Unfortunately, you fail to deliver them because they still reside somewhere in your sock draw. But what if the running dogs of the SEC fine Sum Dum Investors for failing to obtain shares represented as already held by seller asks a dubious Ming. The SEC's dogs are puppies laughs Yu. Of 480MM of fines levied from 1997-2002 only 140MM were collected according to an audit by the General Accounting Office. This is a cost of doing business. Maybe Pei Yu isn't all wet after all.

The Litmus Test For A True Dendreonite

1. Were you to read that WWIII broke out, would your first, and perhaps only reaction be' "How does this affect Dendreon?". 2. When you heard Zheng Xiaoyu, former head of China's Drug Agency was executed, did the name von Eschenbach immediately come to mind? 3. Upon rising, does the computer and the Dendreon message board often win out over the bathroom? 4. Can you now hear the name Howard without automatically thinking Scher? 5. Can you now read about Saddam Hussein without also cursing that other Hussein? 6. Are you cutting back on mailing your bill payments to save valuable postage for writing to Congress about Provenge? 7. Is your job now in jeopardy from spending your day trolling between the Dendreon message board and your Broker's website? 8. When perusing a Chinese restaurant menu and marveling at all the options that are given, does the name Mitch Gold unaccountably pop into your mind? 9 When offered the opportunity to exercise your conjugal rights, have you ever demurred because your Dendreon won't go up? 10. Would you like to throttle poor Ming for even mentioning all this?.

Ming Is On High Alert

He's closely monitoring the Spitzer imbroglio now that Elliot has decided to go quietly. If this buys him reduced charges on a completely unrelated crime then Ming is prepared to give up his position as chicken plucker down at the poultry market. Naturally, he would expect in return that the indictment be quashed that involved a delicate incident at a certain convenience store. Having inadvertently mixed his medications after chug-a-lugging a pint of Night Train, they contend he then threatened the proprietor with a salad shooter brimming with fresh okra. They further aver that he then proceeded to made off with that month's entire selection of girlie magazines. An outraged Ming, remembering nothing, denies all charges but as a gesture of good will offers to return those copies he has yet to defile.

Ming Is Mired In The Slough Of Despond

Ming isn't sure what that is but probably has something to do with the transit cops telling him he can't lie on the subway tracks even though Congress denied Dendreon a hearing. That decision has subsumed poor Ming in nihilism. He no longer cares. He chug-a-lugs milk straight from the carton without even checking the expiration date. He has unprotected sex with his blow-up doll. Let her take her chances just like he did with Dendreon. Where will it all end? Ming even suspects the data that will underlie the interim results. Much of that data comes from trial sites run by our enemies. Remember the "error" in 9901a that resulted in an 8% miss rather than the actual 5.2%? Ming can only hope the Inspector General at Health and Human Services who has regained authority to investigate the FDA levitates off his plump posterior and does something. In the meantime, Ming says the hell with everything. He'll rip off those mattress tags anytime he wants to and damn the consequences.

Elliot Begs Ming For Relief

The Governor called Ming yesterday promising that the charge of interstate transportation of stolen tricycles would be dropped if only Ming would help him in his hour of need. Ever receptive to a deal, Ming listens as Elliot whines that he still has needs that must be satisfied, all the more now that the pressure for his resignation increases. He's interested in rough trade, pain and humiliation. Ming knows just the place. He takes him into the notorious alley of redolent rodents to the sleazy firm of Wei Scru Yu & Lovitt. They are Ming's stockbrokers who promise to sell Elliot all the Dendreon he can handle. They promise much pain and a chance to get spanked every day between the hours of 9:30 and 4:00 P.M. Ming also points out this will give Elliot the possibility of attaining a state of nirvana if he has a position simultaneous with achieving release of positive news which can occur at any time.

Miracle Drug Gets FDA Approval

Fong Pharmaceuticals says goodbye to the heartbreak of hangnails with Nail-Be-Gone. FDA clinical trials show a statistically significant reduction in hangnail size with limited side effects including, but not confined to, reduction in fingernail size, the occasional withered hand and obstruction of the bowl for those foolish enough to engage in nail biting after application of Nail-Be-Gone. "This is what we're all about" said a proud FDA official. Labeling issues are still being negotiated but will include the injunction not to engage in sex while operating heavy machinery 60 days before or after using Nail-Be-Gone. A full add campaign will be initiated immediately to maximize market penetration before instigation of all those untoward class action suits .

Ming Knows Many Important People

Ming doesn't like to brag, but he corresponds with people in high places. Only yesterday, Ming received personal note from Ed McMahon suggesting very strongly that Ming could soon become millionaire. How Ed knows Ming hold shares in Dendreon is big mystery. Maybe his job at Publishers Clearing House give him access to inside information. So while Ming waits for his Dendreon investment to pay off he gets job as school bus driver to tide him over. Now all his troubles are behind him.

Ming Caught In Sex Scandal

How was the Emperor Ming to know? The website said Emperor's Club. Off course, anything that moves Ming then became interested until he infarcted when confronted with prices. Quickly detumescing, Ming wondered how anyone with that much spare change wouldn't instead use it to buy more Dendreon. Fortunately, it was established that only campaign contributions which by definition, are a waste anyway, were used by a gauge gubernatorial goober glomming glamorous girls.

Hey Bunky!!!

You say your stocks are sinking faster than the Andria Doria? Your Broker is demanding your first born to meet those margin calls? Your wife just threw you over for an itinerant organ grinder? Your Boss just canned you for downloading porn one time too many on company time? Your darling kiddies are eager to help you compose that suicide note and now you have jock itch? In the immortal words of the Old Philosopher, Eddie Lawrence, "Don't give up the ship". Actually it was Captain James Lawrence in the War of 1812 that's famous for uttering that line, but this is Ming's blog so he can say what he wants.

You Can't Get These Pinstripes At Brooks Brothers

Ming scurries into the Alley of the Rat to consult with legal advisors, Wei Treip An Su. He is almost trampled at the door as briefcase bearing associates fly outside, mistaking an air raid test for that of an ambulance . The partners are in high spirits, having spent the morning suborning witnesses but become aghast as Ming asks if its possible the Governor of New York would have to resign for crossing state lines and paying $5500 an hour for prostitution. Head partner, Wei Fuul Yu says the charges cannot be proven. Everyone knows that such a sum could only be used by anyone who is compos mentis to buy more than 1,100 shares of Dendreon. An ever positive Ming suggests that in the bright light of days to come, the gubernatorial goober will look very trim in stripped suits especially when he goes on the famous correctional facility diet that not even Jenny Craig can duplicate.

Ming Plans To Redeem Himself

Fong is furious. Accuses nose-picking grandnephew of recommending losing play in Dendreon. Ming respectfully objects. Points out he almost never picks nose in public although admits to adjusting jockey shorts as needed. Meanwhile, Fong cursing the day lovely but too eager niece, Lai Mei, marry lowly barbarian, Wong So Long. Regrettable offspring Ming, soon to find Tong's hatchet men make adventures in nose picking and jockey short manipulation, thing of the past. Fong goes on to enumerate Ming's past transgressions which Ming forebears to enumerate to gentle reader except to note the filthy lie about three chorus girls. Ming still a little hazy, but almost certain no more than two were involved. Still hoping for codicil in Fong's will, Ming daringly predicts, the ever oversold Dendreon, is a buy right here. If not, then Ming is prepared to implement infallible plan to flood market with overwhelming demand for the delectable Dendreon. After being the recipient of much kowtowing and hinney smooching, the recalcitrant Fong agrees to wait. So if Dendreon doesn't go up pretty soon, all Ming has to do is convince the girl scouts to sell it door-to-door. Remember to order your box of Dendreon shares in the new peppermint flavor, guaranteed to eliminate the bad taste in your mouth from the machinations to date of the felonious FDA.

Lucky Ming Wins Contest

Ming T. Merciless has won the "Why I Like Dendreon in 25 Words or Less" contest with his essay entitled, "Why I Desire Delectable Dendreon". "Dendreon has saved Ming's life. Without Dendreon Ming would have had the wherewithall to lead a life of dissipation which probably would have killed him by now. Instead Ming is reduced to guarding his health so as to live long enough to use capital losses against ordinary income at $3,000 per year. Thank you Dendreon." O.K. O.K. Ming cheat, 55 words, so contest was fixed. What isn't where Dendreon is concerned?

Ming Hijacks Zamboni

This morning police were called to the estate of a prominent Greenwich, Connecticut resident which contains a skating rink rivaling that of Rockefeller Center. Security guards had forcibly detained an apparently deranged individual found to be joyriding the owner's zamboni across the lawns. Upon questioning the subject, only identified as Ming, attempted to justify his actions by cryptically asserting that he was only returning the favor since the owner had already taken, something he owned called Dendreon for a ride. Once the owner emerged to confer with the police, the miscreant became agitated, unaccountably accusing the owner of being both short and naked. In the view of this reporter, while the estate's owner was undeniably short, his dressing gown would preclude him from being considered naked. The perpetrator is being held for observation. Upon hearing this, his only apparent concern was in being released from custody by 9:30 Monday morning so he could, in his own words, "Scarf up the bargain of the century".

Are Your Shorts Weighing You Down?

Get the real thing with Ming. Do not be fooled by those trading on the venerable Ming name and making dubious claims to clean up your diseased shorts. Here at the Ming Mission and Hand Laundry we will examine your shorts and note the mess you've made. Air your dirty linen at Ming's. Clean up your act. Don't you long to be long? Lift yourself up by your britches and remember only with the higher power of Ming's hand laundry can you say, I will never soil myself by shorting again.

People Fear Ming

Especially after he eats cabbage. Ming has been known to clear an entire subway car. Word of mouth amongst midgets is to never get in same elevator with Ming. In fact, word of mouth is to not even breathe through mouth around Ming. In his own defense he can point to arbitrary FDA decisions on drug approval that stink way more than Ming's eructations and flatulations even when louts at FDA don't eat cruciferous veggies.

Casting Without A Couch

The accepted formula is to take the dramatis personae of a proven property such as Goodfellas and cast the bit players as your central characters as the Sopranos did to co-op the magic. Casting director Ming is not so subtle. He hopes to exploit the major, very bankable cast members of Seinfeld for the Dendreon story and shop it around to the major networks. Obviously, the hapless, much abused Jerry will play Mitch while Michael Richard's bumbling and inept Kramer is a perfect von Eschenbach. Julia Louis-Dreyfus will shine as the zany and erratic Maha while Wayne Knight's odious and conniving Newman is the perfect Scher. Ming endured much opposition casting Jason Alexander's George as the scurrilous Goldberg but assured the actor that as the series developed his character will become central to the plot. The lesser known Larry Thomas will once again reprise his role as the Soup Nazi when playing "No Provenge for you" Pazdur. Ming is artistically conflicted whether to cast the durable and versatile Jerry Stiler as Aschoff or go with Phil Morris who played the venal lawyer Jackie Chiles. While we're still in script development, the potential for plot turns and surprising denouements is so pronounced that the episodes will virtually write themselves.

Ming Hits The Mattresses

Its a war out there. Hedgies unwinding trades to meet redemptions. Prime brokers deleveraging Hedgie finances. Inability to price risk. Credit markets seizing up. A panic stricken Ming goes to the mattresses. Needless to say, Dendreon certs go in first. Then year's supply of freeze dried yak chitlins. After that, Official Captain Video Decoder Ring and Junior G-Man Badge. Only then does Ming try to fit in his Collector's Plates of Famous FDA Flunkies and Franklin Mint Silver Ingots depicting Flacid FED Chairmen. Lumpy mattress not have room for 8X10 glossies of FDA Chief von Eschenbach kissing Pazdur's ring finger amongst other appendages. But Ming safe now since risk is inversely correlated to degree of stained and odoriferous condition of mattress. Only possible hazard are miscreants with recent tetanus booster shots.

Ming Has Fabulous Win in Tour de Bronx

Lance Armstrong is now green with envy. Grueling Tour de Bronx begins in Hunts Point section of South Bronx and ends at City line. Object is to still have possession of bicycle at end of race. No whining calls to police precincts or crybaby stops at hospital emergency rooms allowed. Lucky for Ming, his trusty Tanya Harding tire iron was there to save his skinny heinie when several hardened ten year olds stuck a broomstick in his spokes. Thats why Ming always wears a leather jacket when riding his bike, for protection from falls. Besides he's found that even when he doesn't take a tumble, chiffon wrinkles. Meanwhile, a jealous Lance tries to steal the limelight by claiming Ming used performance enhancing Thunderbird throughout the marathon. Ming only hopes this doesn't result in a Congressional investigation since it would be unfortunate should several indiscretions earlier in the race involving a very attractive midget wearing only red earmuffs should be brought to light. Don't the dummies in Congress have better things to pretend to do?

Ming's Guide To Biotech Investing

When presented with the opportunity to participate in a revolutionary new biologic, one should lie down in a quiet corner, cover one's eyes with a damp towel and pray that the feeling will pass. However, should the potential for outsized gain seem so great that you find your hand straying to the buy button, cut off the offending appendage. In the fullness of time you will be glad you did. This, notwithstanding having to then hire someone to help with your daily ablutions. All this reticence to participate is a function of any and all such opportunities having to first gain the benediction of the glorious FDA before coming to fruition. This is an arbitrary and even nefarious exercise. The minions involved are the dregs of their profession, unable to achieve gainful employ elsewhere. Think of the FDA as a physician's equivalent of the Post Office, where one lands when all other possibilities are closed to them. The FDA not only is a refuge for the incompetent looking for a sinecure, but is a school for scoundrels as well. Thus, rather than invest in the victims of their ministrations, one will be better served taking their available funds to the nearest racetrack and betting all on the nag with the most colorful name. At least then you can see the runaround you receive.

A Litigious Ming Wants His Day In Court

Sorehead investor Ming, on advice of Counsel, invokes the woulda-coulda-shoulda doctrine blaming Dendreon for everything including the Lindbergh kidnapping. Where once even quadriplegics would aver they were as capable as anyone else, the current zeitgeist allows people with severe dandruff to demand handicapped parking privileges. So stockmarket victim Ming must also be recompensed. Ming challenges Dendreon to examine his briefs, especially Jennifer of shareholder relations who is already named in lawsuit for failure to engage in said shareholder relations with an eager Ming who if he had been adequately debriefed would now be too tired to file suit. A vindictive Ming will not rest until he receives his just desserts, preferably a nice linzer torte which is about as much dough any tort litigant can expect after lawyer's fees.

A Guide To Winning The Presidency

The first point is beyond obvious. Convince Ming to be your running mate. This will secure the all important psycho and chronic malcontent vote and assure you of winning in NYC and hence the State. Then fly Ming (first class), to California to promise Los Angelinos a freeway straight through Yellowstone Park. This will enable them to enjoy the wonders of nature without getting out of their precious cars. Naturally, Ming reserves the right to all road kill for his chain of Ming Burgers. For those still intent on visiting Wendy's, his candidate will introduce legislation making it mandatory for everyone over 18 to carry firearms at all times. Not only does this give you a fighting chance in our Nation's schools, offices, factories and postal facilities but makes for better road etiquette as well. You'll think twice about cutting someone off and giving them the dastardly digit when you know they're armed to the teeth. There's so much more Ming has to offer a candidate. Unfortunately, many of his solutions to the world's problems involve violations of the Geneva Convention.

Ming Could Skip Away With Nobel Peace Prize

Unlike, sweet, peace loving Ming, rest of humanity is grasping, aggressive, confrontation seeking collection of belligerent blowhards(readers of this blog are excepted, of course). If everyone merely engaged in childlike skipping before meetings, decision making, declarations of war etc. they would take themselves less seriously, thus their focus and decisions would differ for the better. Even when Ming tried to skip away from his three card monte game thus allowing a donut loving flatfoot to actually make a collar, Ming still cheerfully skipped bail. Likewise if Howie had skipped to the Panel meeting his vote might have been different, thus skipping the opprobrium that now engulfs him. Had Mitch skipped to the sundry conference calls to date, the more open attitude that he would have engendered might have resulted in less calumniation. Needless to say, had the FDA troglodytes did a little skipping before pummeling Provenge, there would be less desire for revenge. So as soon as Stockholm coughs up his cash prize, Ming can skip to his broker and buy more Dendreon. Besides, skipping is good exercise and when fat people do it, its even good for giggles.

Ming Guides Bernanke's Faultering Footsteps

Ming counsels that half measures will never do. Either start smoking a pipe to enhance that professorial image or come clean and scrape that dead squirrel off your face. One can only hope it doesn't reveal a weak chin. Next, become responsive to the market's perception that your laughable proposal to bail out the banks by loading the FHA's boat with their mortgages that are now or soon will be in default shows you are privy to something so horrendous, that you are soiling your metaphorical shorts. To counter this perception, develop a devil-may-care image. Carry a ukulele. Better yet, play with a yo-yo, but only if comfortable enough to at least walk-the-dog. Also, occasionally say something profound. Steal from William Wordsworth's sonnet, "The World Is Too Much With Us". If that's too obscure, try "What, me worry? I read Mad". Sage advice of this caliber cannot be had just anywhere.

New Career Vistas For Ming

No Swa Lo, owner of the Yu Bei Ful smorgasbord restaurant is very pleased with his new go-go dancer, Ming. No Swa Lo has saved a fortune in food when squeemish patrons lose appetite as Ming loses clothes.

Notes From The Underground

Rack up another good deed for kindhearted Ming. He saved precious time for 1500 subway riders otherwise wasted waiting in their train for EMS to arrive when he pushed that selfish heart attack victim off on the station platform so the train could remain in service. Some people are just incapable of seeing the effects of their actions on others. Witness thoughtless riders who won't give up their seats to the aged, infirm and the handicapped. Ming has to just close his eyes and sit there shaking his head at such insensitivity. Its even worse when Ming gets on a crowded train dragging his leg and holding his arm askew. Even when this gets him a seat, its still an imposition to have to remember which arm was askew and which leg to drag when later disembarking at his own stop.

Gang Leader Arrested

A reign of terror, or at least annoyance was ended yesterday when a police swat team stormed the notorious Mingalator Motorcycle and Macrame Club. Amongst the weapons confiscated were several potato guns and a very nasty looking salad shooter. Gang leader, Ming T. Merciless was apprehended whilst trying to escape on a Harley Davidson Hog with macrame handlebar covers and red training wheels. Wearing a fetching fuchsia motorcycle jacket trimmed in faux fox fur, Mr. Merciless looked every inch the idiot so many swear that he is. Much to his debit and the delight of his orthodontist, the police were only able to pry his teeth from a swat team member's ankle with the aid of a crowbar. Merciless is now on a diet of creamed corn until his court date is set.

Somebody From The Bronx Should Run The FDA

True story. Early morning, January 2, 1972. Fifty-four safe deposit boxes containing over $4 million in jewels, cash and negotiable securities(real money back then), were cracked by six gentlemen who handcuffed 18 employees of the posh Hotel Pierre in Manhattan. No rough stuff involved as per plan. Leaving in a nice Cutlass Supreme and a black Fleetwood limo and honoring all traffic laws and stop signs, they proceeded up Central Park, off at 92nd st., left on Madison and right on 96th st. facing east. The hot cars were to be left on 96th facing east and the switch would enable them to quietly continue east and on home to the Bronx. But the switchoff cars were erroneously facing west on the north side of 96th. This meant two attention grabbing U turns before the trip to the Bronx could continue. As it happened, no one noticed and the score was not affected in any way. Of the four individuals responsible for placing the switchoff vehicles, all from the same Bronx famiglia, only two have ever been found, both in Crotona Park in the Bronx, shot several times in head and chest. Some people countenance screwups and some don't. Von Eschenbach at the FDA does.

Gaseous Gadfly Gagged

Acknowledged misanthrope and notorious nut job, Ming T. Merciless was escorted from Dendreon Headquarters this morning under tight restraint. Mr. Merciless was alleged to be found hanging toilet paper streamers in the area of the quarterly presentation to be made later this month. Bunting he appended to the podium read, "To Get Rich, Ditch Mitch" and "The Board Is Broken, Its Just A Token". After a violent struggle, requiring several officers to now undergo a painful series of rabies shots, a list of questions, presumably for that meeting was confiscated. Included were the following queries; 1) What was Big Pharma's best offer that you rejected? 2) Is the kissing booth limited to shareholders of record or can all shareholders getting screwed also at least get kissed? 3) Can Ming open a fan-tan parlor on the premises to help idle employees fill those long lonely hours? 4) How many charges does management incur daily dialing Miss Cleo's Psychic Hotline asking about Provenge approval? 5) Dr. Gold, as an urologist, whats your professional opinion of Pazdur becoming less pissy if catherized and can shareholders watch? The NYPD refuses to forward a complete list of Ming's priors citing inability to dedicate sufficient manpower due to budgetary constraints.

Take Your Prostate To The Mall And Buy It A Pizza

Harvard researchers have discovered that the risk of prostate cancer is reduced 45% amongst men eating ten servings of tomato-based products a week. This is due to tomatoes having lycopene which give tomatoes their red color. Tomato sauce produced the greatest protection since cooking breaks down the tomato's cell walls, allowing for easier absorption. For those not willing to scarf down pizza ten times a week, other sources of lycopene include pink grapefruit, guava, watermelon, papaya, apricots and your friend and mine, rose hips.

Ming Deals Himself A Bad Hand

"It's smaller than I thought it would be" commented Ming's date. "I hope we're talking about my apartment" replied Ming. Last time Ming got really lucky was March 29th when the FDA Panel gave the thumbs up to Dendreon's Provenge only to have the FDA reject it on May 9th. That was the first time they ever rejected a Panel recommendation for a treatment for a terminal indication. So he hopes to make out better now than he did with that opportunity when he held Dendreon's stock into the May 9th debacle. But Ming is his usual suave self. So when she coyly asked if he liked her figure, he gallantly replied, "the bigger the cushion, the better the pushin". Not satisfied with that bon mot, the great raconteur followed up with the ever popular, "the bigger the berry, the sweeter the juice". Just as with March 29th, Ming misplayed his hand, hence another quiet evening of free-cell was in the cards.

To Hell With Ming

Science and religion are, as usual, wrong. Hell exists, unbeknownst to scientists, but is not limited to the damned as religions would have it. As a professional courtesy, long time Dendreon shareholders may tour the facilities having already suffered its ravages. The security pits are well populated with professional traders and their analysts who are kept up to their necks in fresh fece. For a nominal charge, visitors are allowed to feed them the same excrement they fed others while still alive. Ming understands the Jim Cramer section is always well attended. The market makers malaise is also fun to watch as they are shoved over the cliff only to be impaled on the rocks below just as they did to their customers while on earth. A real crowd pleaser is the short sellers slide as they are sent down a slippery slope festooned with a gala array of nails, broken glass and the occasional rusty knife, emasculating them as they had hoped to do to others while above. The FDA house of retribution was a bit much even for the vengeful Ming as those minions of that august agency and its enablers are exhibited suffering from the very same diseases and dysfunctions that would have been cured had they but approved the drugs and devices capable of doing so. It turns out that Hell is a nice place to visit but Ming would not like to live there.

I Not Lie, Lied Li

Dean of all stock analysts, Wei Li, says Dendreon is going nowhere. Action loving Mei So Wong, desiring to keep his capital working, sells out. His buddy, Ho Ding Mi Dong, chooses to capitalize on the stagnation by selling nearby, at the money, covered calls. Each has vindicated the forces that are capping the ask, since each are making shares available for an orderly closeout of the short position. When news is released, Wong will be wrong and will be left holding no more than Dong.

Ming Wants Dendreon To Get It Up

Ming finds himself afflicted with rare form of priapism so named for the Roman god of male generative power. Symptoms only manifest when Dendreon have up day. Down days cause tumescence to recede. Poor Ming must be very careful to avoid watching CNBC crawl at bottom of screen when displayed in public venues. Last week Ming innocently walked into Circuit City when all screens tuned to CNBC and Dendreon was having a rare up day. Management requested that Ming not come there anymore.

Ming's Delicate Condition

Ming languishing in emergency room surrounded by people overdosed on drugs, nursing stab wounds, bleeding from bullet wounds and a few who suffered the ministrations of would-be axe murderers. Typical NYC hospital emergency room. Doctor go by, see Ming and demand to know what happened to this man. Nurse say the form Mr. Merciless filled out in triage indicates he's a Dendreon shareholder and was beaten-up pretty badly in the market. Ming tell doctor it much worse than that. Ming also inveterate put writer. Got short puts up the wazoo. Doctor examine same and marvel how Ming can retain so many in-the-money puts. Ming encourage doctor to look beyond puts and see large, out-of-the-money, calls. Doctor faint. Team of proctologists now laboring around the clock to alleviate blockage before next margin call.

An Open Letter To Joe Kernan At CNBC

Dear Joe; You are the best. Everyone agrees you have great hair while poor Ron Insana has none so he had to go. Nor is it your fault the quote machines never work right when you use them. Amongst all the talentless refugees who failed in other professions and washed ashore at CNBC as prompt machine readers such as Marc Hanes, lawyer, Ted David, doctor and you, former customer's man, only you are astute enough to include monoclonal antibodies in all your responses to any subject being discussed. I am inspired that a talentless schlub can prosper in this great land of ours. Please forward an 8x10 glossy with note appended indicating who does your makeup. I'm considering opening a funeral parlor and need to know how to apply large quantities of pancake makeup with a trowel. Worshipfully yours, Ming T Merciless

Ming Is Steamed

Just when Ming's string of franchised baozi shops were getting off the ground in China, authorities arbitrarily rule he can't sell steamed buns made with cardboard he finds in alleys. This was going to be big winner. Soften dirty cardboard with caustic soda, mix 60% yummy cardboard with 40% fatty pork and you have cheap filling for steamed buns made with rice flour. Ming suspects authorities in the grip of big American bagel interests muscling in desperate to squeeze Ming's buns. Here in America much worse. You have product like Provenge that is safe and has substantial evidence of efficacy and they still squeeze your buns. Only this time big American Chemo interests are to blame. No one likes competition.